Chapter 1. The Stormy Meeting part 1
The strong, fierce, cold wind howls as rain stings the pale face of 18 year old Analeigh. She screamed as lightning streaked across the dark, stormy sky like beams from heaven crashing down to earth with thunder that rocked the very earth at the sound.
“An island in the middle of this lake? Maybe I’ll be able to find shelter there,” She thought, rowing her small boat across the rough, green, churning lake water.
A few minutes later she reaches the black sand; pulling the boat to shore, she backs up into something. Quickly turning around, looking behind her stood an old sign covered in moss and algae that was falling off its post that read: El Isla de Montaña. Lightning split the sky with a roaring thunder, blinding Analeigh. She cried out in fear, breaking for the tree line in a sprint her boots sloshing in the mud. She tripped on the root of an oak tree that stood out looking up a castle stood tall and gloomy made with stone and overgrown with dark green ivy. An iron gate seven feet tall stood in front of entrance.
“I can stay in here until the storm stops,” opening the gate with a creak, she strode down the path of small multicolored stones surrounded by tall unkempt grass.
She opened the door slowly peeking inside. “Hello, is anybody here?” No one responded to her call, she walked in to find a foyer elaborately decorated with framings of gold trim along the ceiling so delicately kept as time never aged its shine and beauty. A roaring fire inside a finely crafted brick fireplace ivory griffins standing guard at each side lighted brightly by bright crystal chandeliers. The flames flickering and dancing lively as a pot of stew of some sort cooking over the fire. The scent of stew’s scent floated in the room, making Analeigh’s stomach growl and her mouth water.
A Deadly Romance 
March 17, 2010 at 11:24 pm
SIS POST THE NEXT PART ALREADY!!!!!
March 17, 2010 at 11:30 pm
aw bro i ish not done with that yet
March 22, 2010 at 6:14 am
Points:
– Try breaking down your paragraphs a little more 🙂 Spaces between paragraphs not only help in mood-setting, but also helps your readers read it better 😀
– You use “she” a little too much. You also start almost each sentence with the word– a little too redundant. Try being a little more creative in constructing your sentences; I know you could do it 😉
– Be careful of dangling modifiers. Hehe, I know how you dislike your English subject, but these kind of things are important 😉 For example:
“The scent of beef stew floated in the room, hungry because she hadn‘t eaten all day made her mouth water.”
Above sentence makes it seems as if the room is the one hungry ^^;
Still, interesting opening. Will continue reading… Hope you publish again soon! 😀
March 22, 2010 at 10:41 pm
Hay girl you are doing a good job and don’t you forget you can do anything if you set your mind to it so don’t give up. LOVE YOU……
Caitlin Freeman (A.K.A. Bubbles_13)
March 23, 2010 at 7:03 pm
ZOMG THE KOTNG ARE HERE TOO!?
March 25, 2010 at 7:58 pm
Nice start kitten,
A few suggestions though,
use the spell check (there’s not many spelling errors but enough to use it on, like lightning, lightening would refer to something getting brighter),
Also, introduce the setting (i.e. location [more than just a lake because you could be thinking lake murray in south carolina which would be no place for a castle, or you could be thinking a lake in a rural area of Europe where a castle would almost be expected] )
it’s a really good start, really descriptive at first towards the end it seemed like you were tired of writing though,
like this line:
” a roaring fire inside a finely crafted brick fireplace with griffins in front.”
Although the description of the fire and the fireplace was good I’d like to see more description of the griffins (not too much as to draw attention away from the demeanor of the room. Maybe something like,
” a roaring fire inside a finely crafted brick fireplace with short gold griffin statues about a foot in front of it.”)
Overall though you got skills with your writing and it’s really good, just needs some polishing here and there which is why you post it here.
Looking forward to the rest of the chapters!! =D
March 25, 2010 at 9:48 pm
thank you johnny =D im going back through it and editing some parts here and there. sometimes when i try to edit i get sleepy
March 26, 2010 at 2:59 pm
I feel ya on that. I get tired of writing too lol. But the detail is awesome in yours 🙂
March 27, 2010 at 11:04 pm
thankies 🐱