Chapter 1. The Stormy Meeting part 4

“I’m standing right in front of you aren’t I? So now that that’s settled, how old are you?” Smiles lets his fangs show poking them.
“I am eighteen years old.” Leanne stammered staring at his fangs. “Elliot would you keep me forever, even if I can sometimes be a pain?” desperation in her voice.
“Of course my dear lady friend.” Elliot said making a low bow. “But first things first. If you are going to live here you have to find your way around my home. I’ll show you around.” Holding out his hand to take hers. She timidly withdrew away from him. “What is wrong? Don’t worry I promise I wont bite” Taking her arm gently and winking at her. They walked up the stairs and approached the first room. “This is my library where I sit down with a hot cup of apple cider and read.”
Leanne gazed in wonder at the room filled with shelves upon shelves of books both old and new with many colors, shapes and sizes. “How did you get all these books?” She gasped in awe.
“Some belong to my parents others decades or centuries old…the newer ones are mine.” he said
Leanne notice another door in the library. “What’s that other room in the library?” she asked pointing to a door that seemed to jut out of the wall.
“It’s just more of the library. We can explore that later moving on to the next room.” He said leading her to a room that looked like a chemistry lab. “As you can guess this is my lab which I do my research.” He said with pride.
“What kind of research?” she asked.
“For the past 50 years I have been researching for a way to make artificial blood so that I can help people and do business without wanting to bite them. The other research project I have is only temporary it is a serum for vampires so we can be in the sun like humans. I have succeeded in making both and now I own a multi billion dollar company that sell the blood.” He said.
“That explains the electricity.” Leanne thought to herself as Elliot escorted her down the hall heading to the next room.

 

2 Responses to “Chapter 1. The Stormy Meeting part 4”

  1. Here I am again. Review time 😉

    Points:
    – Note:

    “Smiles lets his fangs show poking them.”

    I’m pretty sure the name of the vampire isn’t Smiles 😉 A better wording would be great for this 😀

    – Upon reading further, I have seen that this kind of phrasing has been used more than once. Should you wish to include *verbs* after the dialogue, I’d think it’s rather appropriate that you 1. mention who’s doing it, and 2. try to use commas and the like to add a sort of break 😉 I have mentioned this before… Hehe.

    – When Leanna said that it “explains the electricity”, what exactly do you mean? I checked back on the first parts, and have seen no mention made about the electricity. A little more detail would be great.

    – Once more, I shall mention my call for more details on the setting and background. I understand the context and can gather much from their talks, but it isn’t enough. You need to set the mood for the reader; otherwise, he/she would just look at it as just another talk between people.

    I’m quite interested in what else is in store for me in the following chapters. Keep on writing 😀

    • sorry tink i didnt notice that. i should have mentioned that the rooms had electric lights. as for the smiling well i like him when he smiles. i sorta based him on eric. il go through and edit later. thank you tink 😉 i dont know what i would do without you

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